Why we love them:
Melvin Bellman, Staff Writer:
Video games are pretty much the greatest thing ever, and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong. The fact that I have to defend this position perplexes me — startles me even. Just the other day, while playing a video game, I saved an entire planet. It wasn’t Earth, but it was a planet none-the-less, with exotic wildlife, sentient bipeds, plate tectonics, the whole shebang. When was the last time you saved a planet? If you play video games, chances are your answer is, “Just the other day.”
Can you save a planet while reading a book? No. Books are lame. You might be able to read about someone saving a planet, but you can’t shoot a pan-dimensional, cybernetic alien invader in its slavering mandibles while reading a book. And movies? Movies are also dumb. Not to mention expensive. A two hour movie costs 12 bucks at the theater. For 60 I can buy a game and play it for like 90 hours straight. That comes out to $1.50 per hour. That’s less than it costs to make a phone call, sort of.
People try to tell me that video games are a waste of time, but let me tell you something — I can spend my time a lot more frivolously than in front of my 360. For example, I could read a book. As I said before, books are lame. They don’t have music, or graphics, or space titties you can actually see. With books you have to imagine the space titties, which begs the question — why the hell would you do that when you could just play a game?
I could also, instead of playing video games, smoke lots of marijuana and watch the first seven Dragon Ball Z movies in succession. I also could go for a jog if I wanted to. I could visit my grandmother. I could clean my room even. But all of those things suck. Video games, on the other hand, don’t.
People also try to tell me that you can’t learn anything from video games. That is patently false. I know that giant enemy crabs, for instance, take massive damage when you attack their weak point. I know that fire based creatures are generally weak to ice based attacks and vice versa. I know that when you get shot, if you hide behind cover long enough you will be healed. And I know that no threat is too great for a rag tag team of unlikely heroes to overcome. So if you think video games are dumb, then you can go to hell.
Why we hate them:
Simone Virzi, Staff Writer:
They’re expensive, overrated, and simply a waste of time. I’m talking about videogames. For many males, they are easy to get wrapped up in. However, these games are pointless and should be burned in a massive bon fire.
Video games are certainly not educational. Yippie, you can kill someone using a controller. How does that relate to real life? It doesn’t. If you really wanted to learn how to use a gun, go to a firing range. Or join a gang and participate in drive-bys. That’s more badass than beating a level in a pointless game. These games are not going to improve your grades in school, if you are even still in school. Getting a new high score may feel satisfying and you can brag to your other nerdy friends, but that’s about as far as it goes. It certainly will not allow you to obtain any awards in the real world. Do you even remember the last time you went outside and enjoyed the sun instead of staying inside all day? No wonder gamers have the complexion of Casper. It’s okay to leave your mom’s basement and walk away from World of Warcraft once in a while!
Yes, I’m talking to you basement dwellers, with your empty bottles of Mountain Dew and Cheetos crumbs all over your stain-infested shirt. Okay, so not all guys that play video games rank a 10 on the Total Loser Scale. Unfortunately, some of those gamers have girlfriends they push aside because that new video game came out and they absolutely have to play it for 12 hours at a time. Staying up until 5 a.m. to play a pointless game is just a waste of time. Don’t get caught up in video games and focus more on a fictional world than your own personal life. Instead of banging your girlfriend you’re going to bang, bang, bang, until the guy on the t.v. screen is down. How thrilling.
I cannot stand people that complain about how “Jersey Shore” is just a show about “Italians that get drunk and throw up on the street.” Come on, at least something new happens in every episode, unlike a video game that’s repetitive.
You’re basically doing the same thing, whether you are killing so-called people or saving a so-called planet. “Jersey Shore” is actually interesting, and it’s actually about real people, not characters designed by gaming nerds.
Besides, who doesn’t love Vinny and Pauly D? Put down that controller and pick up a football. Then go outside. Interact with other homosapiens. There’s more to life than video games, I promise. Of course, with the exception of Mario Cart. It’s not a game, it’s Mario!