Today: Jul 16, 2024

The Love Doctor

Dear Dr. Strangelove, 

I’m a freshman with a problem. I have a roommate who masturbates every night and it’s seriously starting to affect my sleeping patterns. He waits until he thinks I’m asleep and then really goes at it. I’m sick of him waking me up after I go to sleep asleep because he wants to beat his meat. Why can’t he just wait until I’m not in the room? Even a schedule of when he decides to get off would be better than this. I’m annoyed and tired and don’t know what to do. Should I tell him to stop or should I just find another roommate? 

– Sleep Don’t Beat

Dear Sleep Don’t Beat,

While I’m sure your roommate isn’t a complete jackass– at least he has the decency to get off when he thinks you’re asleep–you’ve got to talk to him. Don’t come off angry, just be real and direct. Wait until the two of you are together alone and just go for it, otherwise his self-pleasing antics are going to continue and you’re never going to get sleep. If all goes according to plan, he’ll be too mortified to ever get off when you’re in the room and you can finally catch up on some much needed z’s!

Dr. Strangelove

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