Well, it’s here; that dreadful time of year when love is in the air and is thoroughly expressed through heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, mushy Hallmark cards and Kay jeweler purchases.
I’ve never really been a fan of the “holiday” because, well, it’s not really a holiday. I’m a firm believer in the idea that if you are fully committed and head-over-heels for a single being then you should illustrate that as often as possible. Now, I’m not saying you have to drain your bank account every single day to demonstrate how passionately in love you are with this person (though dipping into that savings account every now and again isn’t a bad idea).
Love should be about communication. It’s about expression through words and actions. It’s about maintaining that growing flame that was once just a spark. Love shouldn’t be about chocolates or oversized “I love you” teddy bears. Love shouldn’t be expressed in an overly priced piece of folded paper with a gooey, crafty message that was written by some Joe Shmoe.
Love is about the good you’ve experienced with your significant other. Love is also about the bad you’ve experienced with them and overcoming those, in some cases, constant arguments and bickering sessions. It’s about always remembering why you chose for this person to be someone so special in your life in the first place. It about remembering the risk you took diving into the relationship with them; the risk of facing rejection, the risk facing heartache, the risk of losing the love you once visualized would always be there.
This Valentine’s Day my risks have shown their true colors and I am now facing all of those fears. I have been rejected, I am facing heartache and the person that I vividly imagined would be in my future until the end is now gone. Three years of my life have all come down to today. Three years of my life have been spent with the love of my life. Three years of my life I have faced the struggles of maintaining a healthy relationship, but together we pushed through each negative occurrence and reacquainted ourselves with the growing flame we had created throughout the years. And today I sit here and I cry.
I cry for the love that withered away from my grasp. The love that blind sighted me and had me thinking this was it; he’s the one.
Though I have never been a fan of Valentine’s Day, this year I can’t help but allow the sappiness of the “holiday” to get under my skin. Every cute and fuzzy commercial on television is just another stab to the heart. Every decoration that hangs in every single grocery store I go into is literally dangling in my face, taunting me, laughing at me. I can’t help but be sad over the fact that the first time in three years I will not have my valentine. But he was more than my valentine, he was my lover. No, he is my lover. He is my best friend and I can’t quite grasp why he’s suddenly pushing this away. It’s as though he doesn’t recall the spark we had on our classy first date at the diner. He doesn’t remember the silly game we played with one another taking turns asking each other a question to get to know each other better. He doesn’t remember that awkward first kiss we shared inside of his 1990 something Honda Civic. He let go of our love because the bad was too much for him to cope with.
While I can’t sit here and disagree with the fact that we’ve had our issues (both parties to blame by the way) I can sit here and disagree with the fact that he doesn’t think we can continue on in a relationship. Though three years seems like a long time, it was only the beginning. Yes, we argue, but we also completely understand one another on a level that no one else could quite grasp. It’s as though we have our own language that no one else can interpret. Though we are two different people, together we are one. No relationship is perfect. Fights happen more often than they should sometimes, but throwing it all away is the worst way to handle it.
This Valentine’s Day and everyday that follows I encourage couples to embrace both the good and bad they’ve endured throughout the course of their relationship. I encourage constant communication, I encourage constant illustration of affection and I encourage constant appreciation and recognition of the special bond you two share.
Always remember the spark that ignited the flame before the flame fades away.
