Dear Dr. Strangelove,
For the past four years of my life, I have been dealing with disloyal, selfish, low-life drug-addicts– the best of the bunch. Recently, I managed to stay with someone who is actually normal. I’ll skip the details and just say we get along. What bothers me is that I think I’m becoming too analytical and fearful that my current boyfriend will become like my exes. Considering my worries, I’ve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t help but make the connections. My guy is a friendly kid and has a lot of “friends.” I’ve been noticing him texting girls (with smiley faces), and paying more attention to his “friends” than me when we are out in public. It’s not just like he is being outgoing though; he really doesn’t even care if I take off alone. And every time I go over his house, his boys are there with him playing video games. Am I chopped liver, or is it really just me? I don’t want to screw up my newfound “normal” relationship. I don’t know if I’m just paranoid, or if I really should be looking out for stuff.
Dear Chopped Lover,
Relax! It seems like you have more issues than you think (no offense). The good news is, all of your concerns tie back into the same knot. You’re not just worried about your boyfriend cheating or not getting the affection you need; you’re worried about doing the wrong thing. First things first: forget about your other relationships or the fact that this one is “normal.” You’re way too caught up in the idea of it when you should just be observing the situation for what it is. Don’t jump to conclusions until you know for sure something fishy is going on. And just because you have your eyes open (it doesn’t hurt) it doesn’t mean you’re going to screw up your relationship. Take into account the kind of person he is, and if it still gets worse just talk to him. As for him not giving you enough attention, that’s probably an aspect of his personality that won’t change unless you make it clear to him he hurts your feelings. He’ll say he wants his space, and you’ll say he doesn’t care about you. The only solution: get your head together first, then worry about him. I think if you’re this concerned about everything, you won’t mess it up.