Today: Jul 16, 2024

Spoof: North Face brand jackets banned on campus in suspicion of gang activity

Jeff Nowak, Editor in Chief:
A mainstay in the Southern fashion world is now banned.
North Face brand jackets will no longer be allowed in academic buildings, dormitories or campus dining facilities.
Chief Joseph Dooley of the Southern campus police said students will likely revolt against the decision, but it was the only way to go.
“Recently we’ve been having a lot of gang violence around campus and the jackets seem to be
the reason,” said Dooley. “Those who have the dark colored jackets seem to have started issues with anyone
wearing colorful ones.”
Dooley said the issue was initially brought to the attention of the police department after Jon Rivnyak, the beloved Southern Connecticut State University owl, was accosted outside of Conn. Hall last week.
“I had just put on my nice warm navy blue North Face when I saw them,” said Rivnyak. “They yelled ‘hey baby blue get over here.’ I yelled back ‘It’s navy!’ Then they ran at me and hit me with stale rolls from Conn. They were so mean.”
Dooley said anyone spotted with or around a North Face jacket will be facing a potential suspension from the university, and a mandatory mile run.
“It was really the only option we had,” said Dooley.

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