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It’s quite alright to be single

12/01/2010
By:

Samantha McKelvie

Staff Writer

It’s quite alright to be single.

Today, it seems more than ever people are becoming increasingly eager to find and fall in love. Everywhere I turn someone is looking for someone, searching for their soulmate, their true love, “the one.” While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone to share your life with, it shouldn’t be a race to the finish line. People are forcing love where it may not exist and rushing into relationships in an effort to find their soulmate as quickly as possible. Truth is, love is just one of those things that can’t be rushed. Love takes time and sometimes you just have to wait until the right person comes along.

Although this whole idea of rushing love is present in the minds of people of all ages, I believe it is more common amongst young adults. Over and over again, I have witnessed many of my girlfriends transition from one relationship to the next, one right after the other, with barely a second in between. I’ve seen this so much that I’ve even given those who do this an unofficial name. I call them “relationship jumpers” because of the way they effortlessly and carelessly jump in and out of relationships.

One friend in particular was the most notorious relationship jumper of them all; let’s call her Kate for the sake of the story. From the time she started dating, Kate always had a boyfriend. As soon as she’d break up with a boyfriend or vice versa, she would immediately dive into another relationship. Kate was always either breaking up with someone or getting together with someone. She was always so eager to be in a relationship that sometimes she would even date people she didn’t really like. Finally, I asked Kate why she could never be single for a while and just focus on herself. She responded by saying that she felt like she needed to be with someone to feel complete, and most of all, she was afraid of ending up alone.

Another friend of mine had a very different reason for her constant need to be in a relationship. She was in love with the idea of being in love. She loved the idea of having someone to go on dates with, cuddle with, spend Valentine’s Day with. She was so in love with all of the things that come along with being in a relationship that she was willing to go out with anyone.

Now here comes the lecture. Relax, people! It’s okay to be single sometimes. Everyone needs their “me” time. If you are always in a relationship, how are you supposed to know who you really are? Take Kate for example. She felt like she needed to be with another person to feel complete. This is wrong on so many levels. No one should ever feel incomplete because they’re single. You should love yourself, you should know yourself, and you should feel like YOU complete yourself. You can’t possibly expect to fully commit to another person if you lack these things. You should never feel like you need another person to verify who you are. You should be confident enough in who you are to know that you don’t need anyone to do that but yourself. If this is not the case, then a relationship is something you’re not ready for. And after a break-up, you should give yourself plenty of time to heal and reflect. The last thing you should be doing is jumping into another relationship.

As far as the whole fear of being alone thing goes, almost everyone is afraid of being alone. It’s okay to feel this way, but if you let that fear run your life and how you handle relationships, it will ultimately come true. Rushing into a relationship to avoid being alone is in fact a sure way to end up alone.
Furthermore, although it’s nice to be in love, you’ll never truly know the feeling if you’re only dating someone just because you like being in a relationship and the concept of being in love. You’re robbing yourself! It’s like eating something you don’t really want to eat just because you’re hungry. Sure, it may satisfy your hunger, but you’re not really enjoying it.

So don’t get into a relationship for all the wrong reasons; because you need someone to complete you, because you’re afraid of being alone, because you want to be in love. Get into a relationship because you love and care for someone; because you see a future with that person. If that person doesn’t come along right away, don’t panic, it will happen. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your single life in the meantime, but there’s everything wrong with having a timeline of continuous, overlapping relationships that essentially don’t mean anything.

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